Religion has fascinated since the moment I realized that I had no beliefs. I
was born and raised an Irish- Catholic. I attended mass and went to CCD. I really
tried to understand and learn what all this was all about. Why is there a dead
and bleeding man hangingin every corner? Why did he have to die for our sins? Why are there so many other religions? How do we know this one is the right one? Why does God constantly test people's faith with tragedy?
How can God be all mighty and loving, yet horrible things happen to people and children everyday?
I was told repeatedly in CCD that I shouldn't question the Bible, the teachings, the logic, or anything
about the church. I should just believe. Oh, alright, but how to I do that? How does one have faith in something that is not understood? I saw how millions of people seemed to believe in so much, what was I missing?
Why did all of it just not sound right to me - ever?
I come from a large Irish Roman Catholic family who are all church going, baby baptizing, first communion, parochial school kind of people. We were also - until a certain point. When I was about 8 our Sundays changed. We skipped church and Dad (who was a non-practicing Lutheran, but attended church with us) would just drop us off at CCD. What I found out was that we were the only ones who skipped mass and went right to the pre-CCD class cookies and juice in the cafeteria. Kids would say, "I didn't see you in church, where were you sitting?" or "it was so crowded, I didn't see you." In class, the teachers would ask about and discuss the homily topic. Kids of this age barely paid attention to what the priest was saying anyway, so I could play that off. I instantly felt like a little rebel - pulling the wool over the teachers eyes. The second or third Sunday after our new routine started, I recall my mom telling me to just say "oh, make it seem like you were in mass". Ah ha! So we're lying now??!?? Cool. I loved the reality that my mother was bailing on the whole catholic thing, letting us sleep in and basically making Sunday mornings a little less dreadful. My friends were shocked and jealous. I felt like the cool kid that ditched assembly, but made it for attendance. I'm sure some parents caught wind of this and surely had some thoughts on the topic.
It was prior to this point when I started to wonder what the fuck this whole religion thing was about. I am curious by nature, so asked a lot of questions. I remember wondering why Jesus never wrote anything...a book, a message on a tablet, nothing. I wondered if my Jewish friend was a bad person because she didn't believe in Jesus? I questioned the Noah story, did he go to each country to get all the different animals? How did he know what food they ate? How did the animals stay cooped up on a boat for 40 days? To me these were legitimate, practical questions. I left a few of my teachers stammering and the usual response was, "because that's what the bible says" or "you just have to believe and have faith"
Oh, ok.
Religion class at my all-girls catholic high school sealed the deal for me. In one minute we are taught that those who do not follow Christ are not worthy of heaven. The next we are learning about other religions, Judaism, Buddhism, Hindu, etc. Which religion is the right one? How do we know which one is the right one? it all seemed, and still does, ridiculously juvenile.
One of my favorite movie quotes is from Robert Langdon in The DaVinci Code, "Faith is a gift I have yet to receive" which sums up my religious history, or lack there of. I have never felt the presence of god, gotten a message from god, experienced any type of miracle from god and have never felt the need or purpose to put so much time and effort into something that wasn't real to me. If god and religion were so important to most people, then I must think a different way or I am missing something entirely. I just don't get it...and I am entirely at peace with it.